Missing My Daddy

It's been a year since my 49 year old father died of a heart attack.  I've held up pretty good today, spending the majority of the day with my grandparents (who I love dearly) and my brother.   I still think of him every day and just about the time I think all my tears are dry, here they come again.  My dad wasn't a perfect dad.  But he was mine and I loved him.  A lot of people saw a lot of faults but I saw a man that struggled and all the while wanted better for his children.  Loved them enough to stay away at times.  Loved them enough to say he was wrong.  It took me until I was an adult to realize this, but better late than never. 

On that morning, my Grandma called to tell me he had passed.  I sat on the kitchen floor praying to God that my Daddy was in Heaven.  I knew he believed in Jesus.  But I've never lost anyone I was close to, so it wasn't something I thought about too much.  Of course he was in Heaven, right?  But he was a sinner, an alcoholic, not perfect.  I've never had a bigger sense of peace than I did at that very moment.  God wrapped his arms around me and told me everything was alright.  That my Daddy had made it home.

When we went back to his apartment to get his belongings, I found a list of bible verses on his fridge.  I don't know where they came from, but I know they were dear to him because they were stained and faded.  The title was "You say, God says."  You can read them all HERE.  It's here that I found the verse that is now on his monument. 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My Grace is Sufficient for You."  God never asked my Daddy to be perfect, just that he believe in Jesus and turned over his problems to him. 
I always felt like everyone thought of my Daddy as a sinner.  I hated that they judged him because I knew who he was underneath his addiction.  But the days surrounding his funeral I heard "your Daddy was a special person", "he always had a smile", "he always made me laugh", "he never met a stranger".  That was my Daddy and I was so proud that they caught a glimpse of the real him.   Anyone who has a family member with an addiction can relate when I say, their addiction is your problem.  But I will also tell you that I respect that man probably more than anyone I have ever known.  He struggled, and although sometimes misguided, he got up every day and pressed on.  Each day determined that he would do better than he had the day before.  Some days he did, some days he didn't.  He faced people that had given up on him.  He faced people that looked down on him.  But he kept going.  He loved with everything he had.  I never had a Daddy that could buy me a new car or take me on fancy vacations.  But I had a Daddy that loved me more than life itself.  Not everyone can say that! And I miss him dearly.

I take care of people.  It's what I've done since I was a little girl and its what I do for a living.  I love to make flowers for the cemetary.  It makes me feel like I'm still taking care of my Daddy.  Some people think that it's morbid to take pictures of monuments, but it is comforting to me for some reason.  Everyone deals with a loss the best way they know how I guess.

Remembering my Daddy today, Thomas Lee Rakestraw, "JR".  Loved & Missed.

XOXO

Monument Flowers

So, I realize that this is not every one's favorite topic.  And it may seem a little odd or creepy to take pictures of some one's monument for a blog, BUT I did it anyway.  My dad passed away last October very suddenly and unexpectedly.  He is the first person that I have ever lost and I've learned a lot through this process.  Because it was winter time and already snowing by the time we decided on the right monument, they couldn't place the stone until the ground was ready.  It has been up for about a month now and I have just now made the first "saddle" to go on top.  For the month of March I just had blue and white flowers in a ground vase (which you can get at the Dollar Tree) for March Madness & the only college basketball team that really matters:  THE UK WILDCATS!! 

Easter is coming up.  I wanted something nice in remembrance of Christ's sacrifice for us.  That sacrifice has become oh so real to me since the death of my dad.  I think prior to that I did take it somewhat for granted.  My problem with store bought flowers is that they always look cheap to me.  And to have a florist design one, gets to be VERY expensive.  So I tried it out myself.  My brother and I went to Hobby Lobby and picked out the flowers, which happened to be 50% off that day.  All together we had about $25 into this project.  That includes flowers, ribbon, wire, and saddle.

The cross in the middle came from the Walmart Craft Section.  It cost $2.37.  You know the little wooden crafts that they always have.  All I did was spray paint it white.  I also always go over the flowers with clear spray paint to put a protective coating over them, so they don't get mold or mildew on them.  I hear that there is professional spray,  but 1)I don't know what it is called 2)Spray paint is only 97 cents & 3)This has always worked for me before! 

1 TIP:  I tried to use an epoxy to adhere the cross to my styrofoam form.  And I know all you pros are out there laughing at me!  WELL.... it ate the styrofoam.  So then I just attached the cross to a pick and inserted that way.  It is pretty steady and the winds are furious today.  So I guess we'll find out soon enough if the cross is going to stay in!

Luckily, my grandmother has a friend, who has a friend that owns a flower shop.  She gave us some "GREEN STICKY GOO" to adhere the saddle to the stone.  If anyone knows what this stuff is called, please let me know because I would love to buy some.  It sticks wonderfully and doesn't leave any marks.  Its almost like that "putty" stuff you use to hang posters on the wall, but way stickier.

I also think that next time, I will just attach two "sticks" to the bottom of my styrofoam form and use the "GREEN STICKY GOO" to attach the sticks to the headstone.  I don't like how the saddle comes down over his name & it's not exactly flat to the top of the stone.

So please let me know how you think I did and if anyone else out there in blogland has made these, give me some tips!  I do plan to change it for at least each season, as I have done so far.

Happy Crafting (and sorry for the depressing topic)!